Well, I said I'd bring cake.

I spent the time away from my blog thinking about what it is I actually want from blogging -what I want to say and how I want to come across, yunno, those sort of things- and I've come to a conclusion.

I like some of my posts on here and I love all of the comments you've posted over the year(s, OMG) so rather than delete Nothing Special, I'm just going to move to a new blog. This way I can continue writing but in a more anonymous fashion, for now anyway, whilst still keeping some of my readers.

If you want my new blog's URL, leave a comment and I'll email it to you. After a while I will post the link in the comment section of this post, once I figure out when I'm ready.

Happy blogging :)

Truly Nothing Special.

Everything’s gone grey. My least favourite colour. Not even the nice, soft grey that I can tolerate. More the unappealing grey that comes with an outline-blurring, image-distorting mist. It’s creeping over my brain, it’s saturating it and I’m starting to lose myself in the haze.

In the past few months, things that I once found easy or fun to do have become so laborious and difficult that I no longer see why they're even worth the effort in the first place. There’s no drive anymore. Not for drawing, nor blogging, nor working, nor driving, nor even making conversation. I’ve no energy to spare on little things.

Twice in the space of the last three days I’ve almost convinced myself into taking the day off school because never getting out of bed again feels like the best idea I’ve ever had.

The more these days wear on, the more I’m sure it is.

People are starting to notice and comment on how introverted I’m becoming, or how I “constantly” look down or how I’m “constantly” distant or how I "constantly" put myself down. Ironic really as this just makes me feel worse than I probably already do. Ironic too that the word “constantly” is used by them so much. It’s so far from what’s going on that it’s almost laughable. Nothings constant with me anymore.

You’ll find me some days in the library, wearing that smile that makes my face look like a football. I’ll be the Jemma that everyone knows. The Jemma who is madly in love. The Jemma who enthusiastically draws up plans for giant Slip n Slides that involve starting from the roof of her house, to crossing several roads before ending with a complementary doughnut in a park several hundred metres away. She’ll be completely up for building it and doing the first test ride and she’ll make a joke with reference to your mum last night because she just can’t help herself.

Other days you’ll find me sitting in the library, not saying a word. I’ll be the Jemma that confuses people. The Jemma who despite how hard she tries cant make the effort to hide how she feels with the football face smile or crazy idea. She’ll sit there straining her ears whilst she stares in space. Her paranoid thoughts will kick in. Are they nearby? Are they listening to our conversation? Do they hate us? Are they laughing about us? She confuses herself over who “they” are in the library, and she’ll want nothing more than to take cover in the shadows so that no one will notice her and she wont have to deal with it. She’ll desperately want an offered hug because he makes her feel safe and loved, but she’ll refuse for fears of drawing attention to herself. She'll hate herself for this. She’ll do anything to stay invisible. She'll get irritated, even angry, if she can't.

And so it has been going. Rocketing on an extreme high one moment, then plummeting down so fast the next that I cant keep up. I can’t deal with it. It’s got to the point where no longer know how to react in situations, I cant predict my reactions, I cant take things in my stride. I’m paranoid all the time, flipping between happy and sad. It’s relentless and so, so tiring. It’s overwhelming me.

I hate boring you all with my self indulgent wittering and going on. I know for a fact I’ll read this post in the morning, hate it, delete it and replace it with a 6 word one that has more relevance. If you read my blog you'll have noticed that my posts are becoming few an far between anyway, and even when they do appear they are nothing more than a few meaningless words or a worthless photograph. I've been trying, I really have, but I can’t do it anymore.

I’ve lost my direction and so too has my blog, so I guess this is goodbye. I think I need to take some time out and get my head straight. This is only going to get worse if I do nothing about it.

Thank you for your comments and ideas over the past year and a bit, you’ve all made my day at one point or another and encouraged me, which is something truly special.

Thanks too to those invisible readers I have, I’m sure you guys are really nice.

I’ll meet you back here if I blog again. I’ll bring cake.

You Know You're Failing When...

The closest you come to writing your Sociology essay is seeing your teacher in Morrissons.

Guess what happened today.

Dear HPV vaccination,

You're currently sloshing around my body -well, I think you're sloshing, you could be surging, flooding or even meandering through my spaghetti veins - or are you in my muscles tissue? Whatever, I don't know, my important leaflet was transformed into a paper aeroplane and I drifted off in that 'informative' assembly.

You feel like you're sloshing. You feel like you've mutated from the tiny needleful you were into an burning torrent that's swelling in my arm. You're being sneaky too - its not even swelling that everyone else can see, oh no. It's hidden, internal swelling that makes me look like a waffling hypochondriac when I stiffly move my arm and wince.

Oh yeah, you thought I'd missed that. You thought I wouldn't notice that the "only around the site of injection" claim was a complete lie. What you really meant was "the entire arm, shoulder, neck and chest" didn't you? Not that I'm complaining, of course. I simply love the prospect of not being able to properly use a fork or tie my own shoe laces for a week.

Is this revenge?

Revenge for my original skeptical attitude towards you? Or the hesitant research I did before agreeing to you? Perhaps I called you the HVP jag once too often...

Something tells me I'm getting off lightly though. Despite your oddly sneaky side effects, you're doing me a great deal of good - you're protecting me against the two most common strains of HPV that eventually lead to cervical cancer.

I realise my painful arms are irrelevant.

You're completely worth it.

Wordles

I'm sure you've seen these wordles all over the place, but I've just checked them out. They are pretty neat!

Despite the fact that its focused on my newest posts, I think the jist of my blog is summed up pretty well.

However, I don't mention pancakes often enough. ;)

Oddness.

I've been discovering a few things these past few days. Just odd things like the kind that pops into your head whilst you're in the shower that make you pause and think, yunno? Those sorta things.

Like why do when I go to get a tissue from the bathroom, do I switch on the light on my way out - despite knowing that its been off the whole time?

Or like how my name is Jemma. Jemma is what people think of when they think of me, they identify me as the word Jemma. I don't, and that's weird.

Or like how I say yoghurt funnily. Yo-girt.

Or how James and I are so couplsey, we both managed to get the exact same overall mark for the Physics prelim.

Or like how James's mum and dad are hilariously awesome to the extent that they have photos of their younger selves holding monkeys that are dressed up. (No, I don't know either.) I love them. And their son, obviously.

Did you realise Sellotape isn't spelt with a C? Nopes, I didn't either. I've always spelt it Cellotape.

Crazy things that these filter round my head all day, its a wonder I actually manage to do anything else, they're so distracting! I perhaps should write them down in my diary...

Speaking of diaries, I found one I wrote when I was in Primary 6. That's about what, 7 years ago? James has read bits of it and he says I've not changed any, so here's an extract as to what I was doing on Valentines Day 7 years ago. Don't laugh, I was a nerdy little kid :D

"Today I went to music club, it was boring. All they did was sing. Our teacher wants us to perform a play for our parents one day about a fireking and snow. I got the part of a waitress called Daisy. She only says a few lines so it looks fun and Penny's a waitress too. She's called Katie. After that I came home and played my game-boy before having tea. More pancakes! I love pancakes. We then all went a walk with Trouble and when we came home I just went straight to bed."

In other news, love you James!

Because I Love These.

Awesome. Just awesome.

It's The Night Before the Physics Prelim.

James says:
LOL OMG a units question:
7. One pascal is equivalent to
A 1 Nm
B 1 Nm2
C 1 Nm3
D 1 Nm–2
E 1 Nm–3.
don't like them XD

Jemma says:
i know its something
XD

James says:
hmmm

Jemma says:
like i know we've been taught it but i completely cant remember what it is
im guna guess A XD

James says:
thik it's B
:P

Jemma says:
XD ANSWERS

James says:
:0
it's D XD

Jemma says:
HAHA
OH WE'RE GOOD
XD

Glorious.

We're having better weather now than what we did in the summer!

Its not as bad as a few years back though, I can remember paddling in the sea on the 24th and not losing my toes to the cold...

Merry Christmas!

Well, that is Christmas over for another yer - insane isnt it? Speaking of insane; my favourite gift 2008. Unusually, it was not one that I recieved this year, but rather one that I gave to someone else.

Now just to explain: we're all pretty big ABBA fans in our house. We've seen Mamma Mia on stage in both Edinburgh and Glasgow, ABBA Gold is perpetually aired in our cars and when the Mamma Mia came out on DVD, it immediately became a family favourite. (After going to see it in the theatre twice, of course.)

So when my granny happened to say that she would love to have an ABBA outfit to wear (another dream of hers is to walk the tightrope on her 100th birthday, she's a bit... eccentric to say the least ) my brother and I jumped at the opportunity to get one for her Christmas...



She hasn't stopped laughing yet.

And neither have we.

Ballgowns and Nail Varnish.

So, tonight is the Sna Ba - yep it IS that time of year already - or the Snowball for those of you who don't live in Stranraer. It's only half four but already the days got off to an awesome start, James passed his driving test! Awesomeness indeed!

So all is going well, fingers crossed things will keep going in that fashion and that James and I survive our parents meeting...

Will update later on what hilarity ensues from the Penikis/Dornan shindig, for now I've got my heels to figure out!

Oddly Similar...

I think they've been conversing, amidst the rabble of squeaks and barks, about how to appropriately pose for photos.

"Nose forward, chin up and wriggle!"

Frost!

I'm just documenting what might be the cloest thing to snow we get this year. Even if it was only frost, it was AWESOME!

December, JD Style.

26th November - Girvan Floral Art Demo.

27th - Wigtown Floral Art Demo.
- Make cake for Random Cake Friday

28th - Hand in Provisional Licence thing for driving
- Sort out Bank issues

30th - 4 essays for English due in
- Don't leave to last minute, very bad.
- The Master of Ballantrae - find!

1st December - Ayr Christmas shopping avec Hannah & peoples
- Presents:- Glen, Granny, Dad, James?!?

4th - KAYLEA'S BIRTHDAY!
- Get card!
- Snowball dress!?
- Make cake for Random Cake Friday

6th - Finish mums Christmas present
- Start and/or finish English dissertation

7th - Have mums Christmas present in for framing.

10th - ENGLISH DISSERTATION DUE!
- Moderately panic if no Snowball dress yet
- Find something to wear for 15th

11th - Collect mums present - wrap!
- Wrap as many other presents as possible
- Make cake for RCF!

14th - Survive family Christmas part 1.
- Look forward to family Christmas part 2.

15th - Meal out with friends, 7pm! (I think)
- Take Christmas cards if written
- Super panic if no Snowball dress yet

16th - Prepare for and help at Christmas Fair this week.

17th - Cake for RCF!

18th - SNOWBALL SCHINDIG!
- Survive Penikis/Dornan family meet-up beforehand..
- Get a group photo
- Start the conga, again!

22nd - BIRTHDAY!

25th - CHRISTMAS!
- Majorly enjoy Family Christmas #2.

27th - Enjoy mum being at home!
- Avoid all turkey from now on in.

30th - GIVE BLOOD!
- Enquire about bone marrow.

31st - Chill with family.


(There's also Carol singing, a church service, Glasgow trip and a few other things too - I just haven't got the dates for them yet.)

Actual [worrying] Conversations.

Jemma says:
haha well fair enough XD
I'll not bore you with I-Spy
James says:
haha XD
waaaaay too much concentration there
Jemma says:
Okay, maybe just one game because I'm loosing focus and singing this song too much
you can go first, that way you dont have to guess, you just have to go yay or nay :P
James says:
hang on
...
last time we played this I was eating sponge
...
and i'm eating sponge again
*suspicious eyes*
Jemma says:
LMAO!
*innocent whistle*
James says:
STAAAAAAAALKER!!
Jemma says:
my sponge senses were evidently tingling :P
James says:
haha
SPONGE WOMAN!
Jemma says:
TO THE RESCUE!!!
B)


*a little later*


Jemma says:
omg
a marshmallow
YAY
James says:
haha
just one?
Jemma says:
yeah XD
James says:
strange
*suspicious eyes*
they normally travel in packs....
Jemma says:
haha oh no, because I'm Sponge Woman, they're only allowed to legally sell me single marshmallows.
James says:
XD

Yesterday I predicted that I'd have a headache after PE - turns out I was so wrong! Due to a Blood Donor talk that took up half of our double PE period, we all headed out to the park for some fun and photo taking for the rest of the afternoon. Oh I know, we skived but whatever, according to the schools register system I've been missing for weeks.

Despite the fact that it was blowing a gale and totally freezing, it was one of the best firday afternoons I've had in ages. School's been kinda hard-going lately, for all of us I'd imagine but today really put me back on track, or at least made me feel back on track which is something I am really greatful for. So guys, thanks for one awesome afternoon. :)

Stolen From Stephen!

1. Your ex and you = I’m a lucky person so far.
2. I am listening to = Pink Floyd - Take It Back. Which is great!
3. Maybe I should = Listen to some Meatloaf to indirectly annoy James’s dad.
4. I love = James and watching Frasier. Unequally of course, I'll let you figure out which one goes first. ;P
5. Chocolate is = A nightmare. Darn sugar sensitive teeth!
6. I don't understand = A lot of things.
7. I've lost respect for = A certain few people.
8. I last ate = Ice cream.
9. The meaning of my display name is = My name is Jemma, with a J.
10. God = Is cool.
11. Someday = I will get write my English Disseratation..
12. I will always remember = My time at Stranraer Academy.
14. I never ever want to lose = The people I most care about.
16. Tomorrow I will = Have a headache after PE.
17. I get annoyed when = People forget who I am or forget I exist.
18. Parties = Are groovy.
20. Simple kisses = Are lovely indeeed.
21. Today I = Am slightly bored and severely confused.
22. I wish = I was a little stronger.

IS YOUR / ARE YOU...

23. Is your hair wet?: Nope.
24. Is your cell phone right by you?: Nope.
25. Do you miss someone?: Sort of.
26. Are you wearing chap stick?: Funnily enough, yeah.
27. Are you tired?: More like drained.
28. Are you wearing pyjamas?: Yup.
29. Are you mad?: My english teacher thinks I'm an emotionally unstable mental case, does that count?
30. Are you upset?: Nope.

HAVE YOU...

31. Recently done anything you regret?: Probably.
32. Ever stuck gum under a desk?: Ew no.
33. Ever kicked someone?: Not intentionally.
34. Ever tripped over your own feet?: Oh I do that all the time, I’m super clumsy. Don’t get me started on giant boxes…

TODAY HAVE YOU...

35. Have you cursed?: Yup..
36. Have you gotten mad at someone?: Not really no.
37. have you laughed really hard?: Yes - “Its ‘Vaaybehhrrr’ not ‘Webuhr.’” 38. Is there a person who is on your mind right now?: Yup.
39. Do you have any siblings?: Yup, my younger-but-way-taller brother Glen.
40: Do you smile often?: I have a chubby face, so its more of a constant grin.
41: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?: Most of my shoes don’t have laces but on the ones that do I don’t even tie them to start with..
42: Do you like your handwriting?: Yeah, but the fact that I use two different styles of S’s kinda freaks me out.
43: Are your toenails painted?: No.
44: Are you a friendly person?: I don’t think so, but I think I come across as being one.
45: What were you doing at 2pm yesterday?: If I remember rightly I was struggling to remember what Karl Marx’s name was in a massive mental block during a sociology NAB. “Richard Marx? NO! He’s a singer! Think Jemma! THINK!!!1!”

Moments I Dislike; #1

On a cold morning, you get into the shower only to notice that whomever was in it before you has used the last of the shampoo and not told you. You then have to leave the warmth and go downstairs wrapped in your towel to hunt for it, shivering because the heating hasn't reached the tiled floor yet. You return to the shower to find it has chosen to mimic some sort of arctic waterfall in the few minutes you took to located the shampoo. You sigh and happen to look down at your hand.

You notice you've picked up conditioner by mistake.

Spanish Umbrollies.

Okay, so I actually got back over a week ago from Majorca but my computer decided to give me The Blue Screen Of Death as a welcome home present so I've had no computer AT ALL for the past few days. That in itself is a very very painful experience for a person of my generation, trust me. Very very bad. :P

On the plus side though Majorca was lovely, but check out the photo above to see what kind of weather we had. Like home away from home really...


56 days to my birthday; 59 days to Christmas!

Happy October Hols!

I'll be back next Friday.
(Armed with stories and photos I hope)